Ode to My Man

Many years ago Steve Martin wrote his ode to his woman, this is my ode to my man.

When a woman meets the man she loves, everything changes.
Her heart races, her head spins (more than usual) and suddenly you're not wearing granny panties all the time. Quite a few years ago, I found the man I love, and I've put my feelings into this ode.

Ode To My Man

Some women need a man, and I need you.
To lift my spirits when I am sad.
To comfort me when I am down.
To drive when I am too drunk, or it's raining, or I don't know how to get there.
To walk beside me when there are scary people and I'm afraind of geting mugged.
To walk a suitable distance in front of me when you are all dirty.
To take the blame when I tell someone I can't go somewhere because you are sick.
To take the blame when I quietly fart in a grocery line.
To make me think I want sex, even though I don't think I want sex, until after repeated attempts to jump start me and then I think, "hey I guess sex would be ok"
To tell me I look good for my age, in as convincing a tone as possible.
To try my food before I have, even though I accidentally dumped half a shaker of pepper in it, and don't tell you that.
To be there when I need you and out of town for some of the other of the time.
To get things off the top shelf when I can't reach and am too lazy to get a chair.

My darling, although it may seem sentimental, I want to take this moment to tell you I love you (partly because I broke your lawnmower), and even though you are at work, I always have this (points to tiny ring on finger) to remind me.

Also will you pick up something for supper on the way home?
Love you hon.